In the middle of a night such as this?
Why must they clatter, clamor and clang
And bump into things that we miss?
What makes a ghost so thoughtless,
So clumsy and rude with his touch?
What makes him appear at the top of the stairs
And stand there without doing much?
Why do they move things on mantles
When for a moment our eyes dart away?
Why do they tap us with icy cold fingers
Or moan everything that they say?
Can anyone say why ghosts rap on walls
With knuckles we can’t even see,
Or rattle on doorknobs like forgetful old men
Who’ve carelessly misplaced their keys?
Why do they choose to sit in creaky old rockers
And not recliners or a comfy new couch?
And why, if they’re ghosts and don’t weigh a thing,
Are their footsteps so heavy and loud?
And if a door is open, they’ll slam it
When shutting it gently would do.
That’d be enough to scare me half to death
Wouldn’t it be for you too?
Do ghosts lie awake on stormy dark nights
Waiting ’til the sun again shines?
What do ghosts get afraid of—please tell
What sends a chill up their spine?
Is it me coming home from another day’s work
Whistling as I walk through the door?
Do I disturb them by turning the TV on
And cheering when my football team scores?
Is it the way our furniture’s arranged,
Can ghosts be obsessive compulsive?
Should the chair be here, the couch over there,
But they’re not so the spook finds it repulsive?
Or maybe they dislike what we cooked tonight,
Was it something their nose couldn’t handle?
Are they merely saying they don’t like the smell
And someone should light a candle?
Do they hate the station I play on the radio?
Does country music send them all reeling?
Are the drapes the wrong color?
Or the style of fan on our ceiling?
Or maybe they once saw me naked,
Stepping from the tub and bending for a towel.
That’d be enough for the scariest of ghouls
To let out a shriek and a howl.
I’m starting to think that maybe that’s it,
It’s not them scaring us that’s the issue.
It may be reverse—we may be their curse
And that’s why sometimes ghosts will go…BOO!
Find more of Tom's Takes here, and make sure to catch Tom on the Pat and Tom Morning Show on New Country 105.1 or follow Tom on Twitter @kncitom.